there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
