I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Never underestimate the power of titties
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
