U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
