I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
