My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
