If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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