Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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