you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
