her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
