is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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