Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
