you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
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He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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