yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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