sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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