got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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