She said her name was "party"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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