unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
