I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
