gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
