I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
