38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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