I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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