I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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