Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
