i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
