Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
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watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
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I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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