i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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