It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
