i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
