Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
