I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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