after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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