Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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