So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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