I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
