So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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