why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
