is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize