So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
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but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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