omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
