those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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