I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
