I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
