sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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