Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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