You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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