it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
