You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
