I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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