how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
