I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am spending my child support on dildos
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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