I got chris browned last night
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
