I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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