That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my shit smells like andre
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
