I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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