I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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