Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
