glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
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you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
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We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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