The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
