I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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