Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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