My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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