she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
