If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
