I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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