he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
