no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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