Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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