We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
